Your Guide To Swinging

Swinging, or “the lifestyle,” is defined as social sex between consenting adults — usually heterosexual couples who swap with others. But before you pack up your condoms and head to the nearest swingers’ club, there are a few things you need to know first.

To start, although most swingers’ clubs allow women in without a partner, that is not typically the case for men. And if there is a “single men allowed” night, you can bet you’re ass that you’ll be surrounded by a hell of a lot more men than women. So if you’re in a relationship with an “up for anything” kind of girl, read on. If not, then better luck next time, dude.

how does swinging work?

Nowadays, there are a bunch of nightclubs in which couples who enjoy the lifestyle head to on the week-ends.

Although this location provides a great “getting to know you” environment, it is not, where the swingers swing. There are different premises for the sex (someone’s home, a camping ground, etc.).

Although certain elite clubs specify that you have to be invited by someone from the club to get in, most swingers’ associations don’t discriminate, and will welcome you with open legs, so don’t fret.

how can you get in?

To begin, I strongly recommend that you do this with a woman with whom you’re seriously involved. When guys show up with “a ticket” (a woman, whether it be an escort, a buddy, or a nympho, who does you the favor of getting you in the door), the community doesn’t like that very much.

As well, make sure that your woman is comfortable with the idea. Of course, the biggest selling point is the fact that neither of you has to do anything with anyone else. A few more reasons why she might like the idea of swinging include:

  • You can recreate that feeling you had when you first met, where both of you are excited and anxious.
  • You will appreciate her more when you notice that other men and women desire her as much as you do.
  • If she’s worried about the way her body looks, assure her that the swinging community tends to overlook body type, size and age.
  • She can dress as sexy as she wants.
  • Both of you can socialize and talk about sex openly with others.

issues to work out

But before the two of you head out, there are issues that you should definitely discuss beforehand. To start, make sure that you and she only say “yes” to certain activities when you mean it.

Some swingers don’t like to watch their partner having sex with other people (called “closed” swinging), while others prefer it (“open” swinging), and yet others may opt for messing around with other swingers but only having sex with their partners (“soft” swinging).

Also keep in mind that you are not obligated to swing (although I’m guessing that you probably want to); about 10% of people don’t swing at all and are only there to hang out (literally) and socialize.

showing up

Before you head out, it’s always a good idea to make reservations. Usually, the host of the party will fill you in on the etiquette and party rules, but there are still a few things you should know beforehand.

Show up together
To start, make sure you arrive with your woman, rather than have her meet you inside on her own time.

Dress with the style
As for the style of dress, it’s very casual and women usually dress up very sexy at the off-premises events (such as dance clubs). On premises, perhaps bringing along a robe, as well as your “easy to remove” clothing would be a good idea. That way, rather than get dressed and undressed over and over again, you can walk around in your robe.

Also, sometimes these events have theme parties, like cowboy night or Hawaiian night, if so, find out what the theme is and follow the trend.

Clean yourself up
I strongly recommend that you shave, shower, brush your teeth, clean your nails, and make sure you’re fresh all around. You never know what to expect, maybe your girl will want to play — with you and others.

we’re in, now what?

So you went to the club and were invited to the off-premises party. Good job, or at least, it might be. Now, here’s what you have to do.

Your best bet would be to make friends. Find another couple you’re comfortable with and have them show you around the next few times you attend.

As well, once you’re in the down and dirty scene, there are some more rules you need to abide by:

Don’t offend people
If a couple approaches you and your woman, don’t look at them in disgust and yell out “No way!” This is a friendly environment, and a simple, “Thanks, but we’re not interested” will do.

Don’t harass other couples
If you and your woman decide to hook up with another couple, and the couple declines your offer, don’t ask, “Why not?” Not only is it considered rude and juvenile, but it also puts the other couple in an awkward position and, worse, they may actually tell you why not.

Form friendships
If you begin engaging in a conversation with another couple who’s interested, don’t focus simply on the partner you plan to bang; your objective is to become friends with the couple , not just the babe.

Have quiet arguments
If you and your woman end up in an argument (you never know what the first time will garner), have your discussion in private, away from the party.

Don’t stare
Don’t open closed doors to bedrooms and the like, and don’t ogle people. It’s considered rude for obvious reasons.

Don’t get drunk
Most parties are BYOB, so I think it’s a good idea not to bring too much liquor with you. While a couple of drinks may help you and your woman loosen up, getting drunk is not a good idea. You will act like a fool, and may end up in situations you’ll regret later.

Use protection
Although some places make it mandatory, others don’t. I recommend that you wear condoms and put them on right. This is not to assume that swingers have STDs, but rather that you’re better off being safe. And use a new condom with each new partner. As well, if you like, you can use a barrier for oral sex.

Stay clean
If you’ve used your hands or fingers on a woman’s anus or vagina, don’t touch anyone else (even yourself) until you’ve washed your hands with an anti-bacterial soap (usually provided by the host).

no man on man

Believe it or not, there is rarely, if ever, man on man sex going on at swingers’ events. Usually, it’s women on women, easily, but there’s no men getting it on with each other. It’s not because the community is homophobic; just the opposite, in fact — it’s simply not part of the culture.

But back to the women I hate to break it to you, but whereas you’re usually the one who’s dying to go to one of these swinger shindigs, it’s usually your girl who’ll get all the attention, not you. But if she’s cool, she’ll hook you up, or at least share.

where to go

And if you’re still keen on the idea and want to find a club near you, check out And if you’d rather swing whilst on vacation instead, then check out

And until next time, forget the chandelier, this is where you should be swinging.

Ashley Sweete


The Treasure Club
520 Swannanoa River Road
Asheville, NC 28805
Phone: 828-298-1400