Top 10: Female Sex Fantasies

No.10 Domination (her dominating you)

Women love a big strong man who can sweep them off their feet and carry them into the sunset — but you may be surprised to learn that one of the top female sex fantasies is to have that same big strong man begging for sexual release in the bedroom. The entire scenario revolves around you worshipping her body and begging for her attention. Why? She gets to be in control while enjoying total devotion from her man in the process. What more could she want?

No.9 Domination (you dominating her)

The advent of the metrosexual is most commonly blamed for this top 10 female sex fantasy. It seems that modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down and thrusting her thighs apart with your knee. She wants to feel your fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on her shoulder; she wants to be owned — if only while in the bedroom (after which, she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of feminism.

No.8 Teacher/student

You’ll be thrilled to know that the Britney Spears fantasy isn’t just for men: Women love the idea of dressing up like a schoolgirl and parading about for your viewing pleasure. Many would even like to take it a step further, playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: Loads and loads of grown women fantasize about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is exciting for two reasons: Not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex.

No.7 Sex with a stranger

Most women wouldn’t have the chutzpah to act out this top 10 female sex fantasy, but you’d better believe that most have thoroughly enjoyed thinking about it. No-strings-attached sex is something many women would love to experience, but most are dissuaded from it thanks to a lofty load of self-produced guilt. Nevertheless, her libido definitely gets fired up at the idea of a gorgeous male approaching her in a dark, smoky bar and taking her back to his room for a long, hot night of wild sex. This female sex fantasy appeals to her naughtiest side — the kinky one that rarely sees the light of day.

No.6 Threesome with another woman

These days, it’s fairly common for straight women to get down with other women now and again, making this top 10 female sex fantasy a not-so-unrealistic possibility. That being said, this threesome fantasy rarely involves you getting playtime with the second hottie, as most girlfriends do not want to see their man touch another woman. In this scenario, you’re meant to play voyeur until your woman is ready for something more hardcore. This allows her to experience the best of both worlds without having to worry about things like jealousy or sharing.

No.5 Threesome with two men

This top 10 female sex fantasy involves the woman being worshipped and adored by two gorgeous men. These men are typically heterosexual and, therefore, only interested in the woman — which translates into a whole lot of action for her. Her sex fantasy might be as innocent as being penetrated by one man while performing oral sex on the other or it might go further. This female sex fantasy is the ultimate taboo for many women, which makes it all the more fun to imagine.

No.4 Voyeurism

If you think women don’t enjoy watching other people get it on, you’re completely mistaken. Your woman likes to watch for the same reasons as you do: It’s erotic, exhilarating and slightly taboo. She may fantasize about peeping through the neighbor’s bedroom window, spying on a kinky couple in the park or even catching a full-on orgy from the sidelines. Believe it when we tell you she enjoys “watching” just as much as you do; it allows to her be naughty without getting her hands dirty, so to speak.

No.3 Force fantasies

As mentioned in our common female fantasies article, force fantasies are massively popular among women. Most psychologists believe this top 10 female sex fantasy allows a woman to have the wild, dirty sex she craves, without having to suffer the guilt that often follows. These female sex fantasies usually involve a gorgeous man carrying her off to his bedroom and quickly getting down to business. She’ll protest as he tears her clothing off and expertly arouses her body, but on the inside, she’ll love every minute of it.

No.2 Exhibitionism

She might cringe when you bring up the topic of making homemade porn flicks, but your woman has probably fantasized about doing precisely that at one time or another. Unfortunately, most women are far too body-conscious to experiment with such things, making this a top 10 female sex fantasy, as opposed to a reality. Believe it or not, some women even take this desire to the next level, fantasizing about others watching as you shag her silly in a public place.

No.1 Private dancer

Most women wouldn’t have the nerve to strip in a public setting, but this top 10 female sex fantasy definitely involves taking it all off. She loves the idea of tantalizing you with a striptease, and she’d love to give you a private lap dance. Why? Your enjoyment tells her you find her attractive, and your erection tells her she has control — a potent combination that women simply can’t get enough of.

The Treasure Club

520 Swannanoa River Road
Asheville, NC 28805
Phone: 828-298-1400

The Thinking Woman’s Guide To Threesomes

There was a time when sex with more than one partner at a time was considered a nasty cespool of sticky, patchouli-scented nonsense. Or something girls did with their coke dealers when they were low on cash. Regardless, group sex was not typically thought of as something that intelligent, educated, well-adjusted women of the world willingly did because, ya know, they just wanted to. Obviously, this kind of blatant, judgmental retro-sexualism is tired and sad now. I’m of the belief that we should pack up all antiquated sexual hang-ups, put them in a box with any leftover Adam Sandler DVDs we haven’t destroyed yet, leave them in 2012 for the Mayans, and head into the next Age with heads held high and vaginas unfettered by shame.

If you’re like me, one of your first steps outside the traditional sex realm — either in practice or fantasy — is threesomes! Yay! Threesomes are so magical based on the fact that they’re simultaneously in a completely different league than one-on-one sex (all those extra body parts are a real game-changer), and they’re reasonably attainable for entirely mortal, non-porn stars like you and me. Well, maybe you’re a porn star. But I’m not. And I’ve had threesomes, each of which turned out shockingly well — they were exciting, enlightening, drunk, blurry, electrifying… everything you could want from your first (and maybe only) foray into group sex. And I somehow kept my emotions, self-respect, and friendships fully intact. I know. I’m a goddamn hero among women. Allow me to drop some wisdom on you.

Be the guest star. Part of the reason I’ve found my threesome experiences to be so fulfilling, both vaginally and spiritually, is that I didn’t have that much at stake emotionally. Yes, the others involved were my pals. Yes, if things had become weird between us afterward and we were no longer friends, I would’ve been really disappointed. But I would’ve been “drifting apart from non-lifelong friends” disappointed, not “breaking up with boyfriend” disappointed. I can only imagine, since I’ve been smart / lucky enough to only be the special guest, but I assume it’s way better to be the sexy stranger, with fresh genitals and no emotional baggage, who comes in, passes out orgasms, and promptly floats out in a cool breeze that smells like freedom and inconsequence. The other two get to sit and wallow for a while in the tense, unspoken “what does this mean”-ness of the post-coital moment. Even if they’re truly that kind of liberated couple for whom seeing each other’s wet places grinding on a hot a piece of strange doesn’t tangle up their heart strings, they still have to deal with going back to the monotony of being a twosome. Not you, baby. You’re out of there and onto the next adventure, like not having to compromise on where to eat lunch. Bottom line: when there’s no one around to accuse you of “liking it a little too much,” you are free to like it as much as you want.

Don’t plan it, even if you know it’s coming (heh, “coming”). Even if the pre-threesome, ‘”this is totally gonna happen” tension has been building between you and your favorite friends for many a drunken outing now, I swear to god I will personally come punch you in the tit if you dare say it out loud. Because it will be utterly, irrevocably ruined. Premeditation is what takes a group sex experience from “wild, loving, bohemian expression of youthful willingness to indulge in an utterly beautiful, free moment of a hot, midsummer’s spiritual connection between (probably drunk) friends” to “sadness-scented craigslist ad.”

Don’t have feelings. Except for those that lead to erections and platonic bonding. Get #realtalk with me for a minute: if you have the kind of vajay that likes to slip a promise (cock) ring around every piece it lays under, or if you’re already pining in the heart for one of the slices of bread you’re about to become jelly between, just say no. You know this already, but allow me to be the friend who states the obvious: this will end badly. Scenario A) You bone them, the object of your secret affection doesn’t realize they’re in love with you at the sight of your nipples, and you’re sad. Or scenario B) You bone them, he/she does realize your genitals hold the key to their true romantic happiness, they leave their current girlfriend in a heap of tears and condom wrappers, the two of you are happy for about five minutes until the guilt slowly prods one of you closer and closer to “listen, I can’t do this anymore” and then you are still sad. And probably down two friends.

Do joke about it afterward. If you’re friends with your copulatory cohorts, and you’re all savvy and self-aware enough to have survived The Deed with your relationships intact, then absolutely feel free to talk and joke about it afterward and henceforth forever. Maybe it’s something you let others in your circle know about, or maybe you keep it your fun secret. Either way, allowing embarrassment, guilt, or awkwardness to creep in on the issue as time goes on is a dynamite way to retroactively ruin the experience. You can’t control other people’s level of weirdness, but if you stay lighthearted about it, the whole experience can be made even sweeter and sexier — a threesome can either become that “thing that happened that you don’t ever mention that silently strains your friendships until you just stop calling each other,” or a fun, fond memory the three of you share.

The Treasure Club
520 Swannanoa River Road
Asheville, NC 28805
Phone: 828-298-1400


First Time I Went To An Orgy

When friend had mentioned she’d been to sex parties, I knew I wanted to go, too. Could she bring me along next time, if it wouldn’t be too weird? As it turns out, she would soon be hosting one at her very own house. Sure enough, an invitation came in my email a few days later, sternly worded emphasis on consent.

In preparation, I treated the sex party as if was a date — a group date, of sorts, where I was sure to get laid. So I did what I’d do before a normal date: I shaved the winter fur off my legs, blowdried my mane, and did my eye makeup real fancy. I squeezed into a sequin Forever 21 dress that I first/last wore at a club on my 24th birthday party, then unrolled it off like sausage casing when I realized I couldn’t breathe. I tried on my sweetest LBD and chucked that aside, too, for not being “sexy” enough. I’m supposed to look fuckable at an orgy, right? I’m a slightly overweight feminist WASP with eczema on my ankles. The Victoria’s Secret definition of fuckable isn’t really my look. I settled on jeans, boots, and a gorgeous silk blouse over some pretty lingerie.

Worrying so much about how I looked was a colossal waste of time.

The orgy hostess could not have been more sex-positive and pro-consent about the night’s activities — so much so, in fact, that the ethos of “no pressure” meant I didn’t know what to expect. Sex-positivity and respect are the best possible qualities of any sexual partner, of course. But I wasn’t sure what the social codes were, like being a freshman plunged into a class of seniors. Cue a Google search prior to leaving the house for “do orgies provide condoms …” (It turns out, they do — in a big bowl in the living room.)

Like the dork that I am, I was the first person to arrive. And there was no way would I show up at an orgy emptyhanded! My mama raised me right: I came with two kinds of crackers and three kinds of cheeses. After greeting the host and hostess, I sat at the kitchen table, chatting with each new guest, but also wondering if all I would do was eat snacks. There was a lot to think about, admittedly: every person who comes through the door is a potential sex partner.

Everybody kept their clothes on for a lot longer than I would have expected — when, all of a sudden, a man exited the bathroom wearing only his underwear. That seemed to be the cue to begin, that people were going to start getting naked.  I felt surprisingly uncomfortable about stripping down to my own lingerie while everyone else was clothed; it seemed exhibitionistic, which at the point in the party, seemed like a bad thing. So instead, I chatted like I was at a normal cocktail party.

How I would initiate sexual activity was another area of confusion. The same as with wondering if/when I would take my clothes off, there wasn’t a buzzer that sounded when group sex would commence. The hostess had graciously asked me how I wanted to be approached about sexual play: ask or be asked? I’m a pretty empowered woman, so I assumed that I’d just size up a hot dude, strut over to him and ask him to doggy-style. Why not?

But my friend seemed to be suggesting that someone had their eye on me and would I prefer him to proposition me?  Flattered, and without thinking, I told her, yes, he could come proposition me. That turned out to be the wrong decision, actually, because I wasn’t digging the guy in question. I had to figure out the polite, kind but firm way to convey to a complete stranger, “I don’t want to play with you.” Another thing I hadn’t anticipated: what if I don’t want to have sex with some of these people?

Leaving that fellow behind the kitchen, where more people had started taking off their clothes to reveal lingerie or underwear, I walked out into the living room. A man and a woman were fucking on the couch on the far side of the living room; he was on top with her breast in his mouth, pounding away. Oh! I thought. The orgy has started!  Suddenly a little bashful, I turned a corner into the bedroom and saw four people, three women and a man, in the hostess’ bed. It felt much more cozy and intimate in there. That’s when I learned something about myself: I like to watch.

Watching other people have sex in person is completely different than watching porn. That might have been my favorite part of the entire orgy — whenever I got to watch other people fuck. The 360-degree angle is hugely arousing. And as someone who has never been satisfied by anything other than homemade porn online, watching real people experience real pleasure is totally hot. At first I wasn’t sure if it was “okay” to watch (I mean, are we supposed to avert our eyes lest we seem creepy?), but I quickly realized that the apartment is so small that everyone knows that “privacy,” such as we know it, doesn’t exist. In fact, some people seemed to be putting on a show!

The hostess saw me watching and climbed out of bed, where she had been playing with one of the three people. “What do you want to do?” she asked me. “Actually, I’d like to make out with you,” I told her. And that’s when I finally took my clothes off, climbed into her bed, and hooked up with a woman for the very first time. (And then, um, another woman.)

Women’s bodies are so different than men’s bodies. I never knew that before. From the softness of their skin to the roundness of their breasts and ass, I felt (but, I hope, didn’t act) a bit like a gawky, fumbling adolescent.  Being so up close, hands-on and exploratory female nudity — feeling both their chubby places and their bony spots — satiated a desire I’d had for a long, long time. I felt more whoa about another person’s body than I’d felt with any man in a long while.

I also learned that my sexual energy alters with the same sex.  That was a surprise, as the more dominant men behave in bed, the more submissive I become. But hooking up with women, I carried the more aggressive energy. I was the one who pulled hair and wanted to grab and squeeze. As much as I love being a submissive with male partners, it was exciting to learn that I’m switch-y with women.

Weird, then, that the next activity I found myself engaging in was paddling a guy’s ass. Yup, I did that. The second guy to proposition me throughout the night had brought a paddle with him and after he gave me a public spanking on the hostess’ bed, he asked if I could do the same for him.  I’m not sexually turned on by spanking men at all, but I suppose I obliged out of politeness. And come to find out, I’m good at it! I’ve gotten enough spankings over the past decade-plus to know how to give a good one. He seemed satisfied. Still, it was out of my sexual character — not in a bad way, mind you, just in a different way that my usual behaviors.

My paddling friend and I spent the rest of the night making out in bed together alongside two or three other folks. We weren’t alone: the hostess got down on the floor with someone and the guy who was first to walk around in his undies fucked someone up against the wall and on the dresser. That’s when I learned something else new about my sexual self: as much as I love to watch, listening is different. Hearing the man dirty talk with his female partner about how she was a “bad girl” as he fucked her against the wall gave me the giggles. (Perhaps it was nervous energy because it was so hot that I was wishing I was the bad girl getting fucked?) The exhibitionism was no longer something to be embarrassed about — it was the best part!

I stayed in bed almost until I left. Why did I spent the rest of the night with one partner? Well, my paddling friend was absolutely rapturous about my ass. I have an otherwise slender frame with large, pear-shaped hips/ass and weight gain tends to show just on my stomach. Even though I love my curves on my boobs and butt, I’m less enthused about my belly.  But he didn’t see that: he just saw curves, curves, curves everywhere and made me feel like I have an amazing body.  He couldn’t keep his hands off my ass and hips — and I lapped up the attention. In my normal  day-to-day life, I have mean Internet commenters telling me a couple times a week that I’m fat or unattractive. Those are the poison darts stuck inside my brain. I don’t walk around thinking,I have a great ass. I walk around thinking, Who’ll be able to see past by belly?

But, in fact, going to an orgy turned out to be the most healthy decision I’ve ever made for my body image. It wasn’t just my paddling friend’s praise or the other men who propositioned and flirted with me throughout the night. It was the first time I really saw naked women before: Every woman in the room had a completelydifferent body and everyone appreciated, if not outright complimented, everyone else’s physical beauty. It’s rare that we see women’s  nude or nearly nude bodies portrayed in ways that aren’t shoving it down our throat as “sexy.” I felt extremely desirable just the way I am, a feeling I haven’t felt since my early 20s when I felt naturally “pretty” a lot more than I do now, which is not often.  It’s no surprise that the physical beauty present was a much wider range that what we see in movies, TV, women’s magazines, or even porn. This was a truepanoply of women.  A few women had no hips or tits. Another girl was much larger. One woman had the longest hair I’ve ever seen in my life. There was tons of pubic hair.  No one seemed to care one whit about whether these bodies were ready for a Calvin Klein ad — bodies were people.

The negative side to all those bodies, though, was my germophobia. By the time I felt ready to leave, I was thinking less about what I wanted to do with whom and instead who everyone had already hooked up with.  I didn’t have much concern for STDs, because I didn’t engage in behavior that would have exposed me to any, yet I did start thinking about how quickly the common cold could fly around this party. The OCD, obsessive-hand-washing germophobe in me felt squicky about swapping so much spit with people who had already swapped spit with others. As a result, I didn’t actually have penetrative sex at the orgy because by the time I was done with my prior activities, everyone else had already hooked up with other people. My problem wasn’t “the ethics of group sex” so much as “how the common cold could spread around a group sex setting.” Alas, I managed to handle the fact I found a used condom on one of my boots with uncharacteristic calm.

Tucking myself into my own bed that night — alone, happily — I felt whoa, I can’t believe I did that about hooking up with the two women. What didn’t occur to me until the next morning and stayed with the strongly in the days since was how good I felt in my own skin. I had brunch with my friend Megan the next day and lunch with my friend Lilit the day after that and texted with my sister. All anybody wanted to ask was the nitty-gritty details of the orgy — how many people were there? was it gross?! was it hot?! — but I wanted to kvell about my newfound love for my own body.  Yes, it was a big deal that I explored my not-quite-straight sexuality. And yes, it’s also a big deal that I played with being the more aggressive/dominant partner with one woman and the man.

The night was less about the notches in my belt, though, or the new skills on my resume. It was about how the best thing about having sex with other people turned out to be myself.

Ashley Sweete


The Treasure Club
520 Swannanoa River Road
Asheville, NC 28805
Phone: 828-298-1400